No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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