in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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