I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
