you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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