just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
