I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
