Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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