Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
