I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
they're like a gay fantastic four
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
