there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
lol hangovers are for mortals.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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