in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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