Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Still dying that you shit outside
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
