There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
