1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
