i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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