She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
