This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
