dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
