I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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