so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
