worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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