Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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