It's like a parade of train wrecks.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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