Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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