Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
