i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
