FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
