Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
