i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize