did you get engaged???
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
