actually, I'm a sock model
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I am spending my child support on dildos
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
