glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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