I bet he comes in French.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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