And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
