He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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