I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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