i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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