You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize