I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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