How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
