Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
