yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You know, be my cock's hype man.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Come share oat with me in your robe
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
