I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
