I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
