there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
