so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
