You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
