I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
