just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
