dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
no you cant smoke seaweed
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
