You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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