Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
