I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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