his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
