i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
