ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
