it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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