I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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