I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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