marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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