it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
