is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
