I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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