And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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