i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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