Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
