evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
