508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
