i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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