I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
