I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I just blew my weed a kiss
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
