Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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