Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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