My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
