I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
