Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The beer is more important than you right now.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
