I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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