Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
