I wannas sexs uuuuu
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
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