I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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